It’s been quite a while since you have heard (read) a word from me. I do not have much time at the moment. I mean I do have a little bit of time, but if you are my age, you probably know what we do most of the time. Of course, it is also possible that it is just me. I am either getting distracted or somewhat thinking about how I am not willing to grow up at all. I guess I might be the female version of Peter Pan. However, I am trying to think of some methods to get more productive and become a better person. So in order to do all this and to remember my goals whenever and wherever I go, I now use a notebook.
I had first written in there when I was really keen on growing up and becoming more mature. Because I felt once you have grown up you are a good person. Which obviously is nonsense. Well, I decided to stay childish and just become a good person. To stop stressing out and stay calm no matter what... I haven’t told you yet what I had written in my notebook: I had written all my plans for the future. But I came to realise, it didn’t help much. I still kept getting distracted. I didn’t do anything about it, which is why I feel restless all the time. Maybe it’s because my doings don’t seem to get me closer to my goals. At any rate, I am far from the person I want to be. At some point, it might be difficult to change. So the sooner I change the better.
So I am doing somethig different now. I mean, I am going to do something different.
In this notebook, I am going to write about the things I observe. Stuff people do. Outside, on the streets, in the train. Nice things, selfish things. Things that seem to be right as well as things that don’t seem to be right. Experiences and life lessons.
I will write about the good deeds I did that day. And about my doings that I came to regret, the reasons why I regret those doings. The mistakes I made and hope to stop doing. I say "hope to stop" because it is not easy to stop making the same mistakes. Some mistakes become habits... We all know this.
I might also just copy some inspirational quotes from the internet. It’d be even cooler if people around me said something inspirational that I could keep in my notebook. Here is a beautiful quote that just came to mind:
"Faint hearts never won, Fair Lady" - Peter Pan
Well, as you can guess due to this content here, I am quite confused and not the happiest person out there. Nevertheless, I feel like this is nothing unusual, it is more like a natural thing and it will end soon – maybe not soon, but at some point. I hope you feel better than I do. If you don’t, I hope that your "unhappy/ less happy phase" will come to an end.
your confused but determined Rue // maybe the female Peter Pan